How to avoid a quarrel
Romko and Nina were sitting on a rug in front of the TV. The remote control was right in the middle between them, like a border between two states.
"I want to be the first to watch a cartoon about dinosaurs!" Romko said and reached for the remote.
"No, I'm first!" Nina grabbed the remote from the other side. "I've been waiting for an hour!"
— I was waiting too!
— No, you were playing dice!
— That doesn't count!
The words flew like sparks from a fire, and with every second they became sharper. Romko frowned. Nina pursed her lips. Another minute and someone would surely cry or slam the door.
But here is a light rustling somewhere above their heads.
A small owl with small round glasses appeared on the back of the sofa. It folded its wings and looked at the children with a calm, warm gaze.
“I see something important is happening here,” she said.
— I'm Sofiyka. And this...
— I'm Solomiyka! — a red squirrel in a pink scarf jumped out from behind the pillow, holding an acorn in her paw. — And I just came just in time, because the situation here is very serious. Who will be the first to watch the cartoon — this is a question of planetary scale!
Romko and Nina involuntarily looked at each other and relaxed their hands a little.
"You know what?" said Owl Sophie softly. "Before any of you say anything, try this: put the remote down. Just put it on the mat. And listen to me for a moment.".
Romko glanced at Nina. Nina glanced at Romko. The remote control fell onto the rug.
"That's good," Sophie nodded. "Because there are things more important than who presses the button first.".
🦉 Lesson from Sofiyka
1. Quarrels often start with the smallest thing.
The remote. A piece of pie. Whose turn is it to wash the dishes? It seems like a small thing, and then—bang!—and the door slams. Quarrels rarely start with something big. More often, it's a small spark that gets caught in dry grass. And if you don't stop it in time—the grass will catch fire.
2. Stop and take one deep breath
When things are boiling inside, the first step is not a word, but a pause. Breathe in slowly - once. Breathe out - once. It's a very simple thing, but it really works, like a little switch. The hot word that you almost said hangs in the air and doesn't fly out. Because a word is not a stone: you can't turn it back.
"I do that too!" exclaimed Solomiyka. "Especially when someone wants to take my acorn without permission. I inhale and don't bite. Almost never!"
3. Talk about yourself, not about someone else.
There is a big difference between «you always grab everything» and «I feel bad because I really wanted to too.» The first is an accusation, and it makes the other person defensive. The second is your true feeling, and it is much easier to hear. Try starting with «I»: «I feel sad,» «I feel hurt,» «I am tired of waiting.».
4. Listen to the other person - they also have their own truth.
Nina really waited. Romko really wanted too. Both are right — each in their own way. When you think that only you are right and the other is just being mean, stop. Ask yourself: «Maybe he or she wants something as badly as I do?» If you listen, it often turns out that you have the same truth.
"I once argued with a hare for an hour about whose branch it was," Solomiyka recalled. "And then it turned out that he wanted a different branch altogether. We just didn't ask each other!"
5. Seek a compromise — it's not a loss, it's wisdom
Compromise is when both parties give up a little so that both parties win. «First you have ten minutes, then I have ten minutes» doesn’t mean «I’m weaker.» It means «I’m smart and I can negotiate.» People who can negotiate are much happier than those who always want to win.
6. A kind word or joke extinguishes the spark
Sometimes one funny word or a light smile - and the quarrel stops by itself. Not because the problem has disappeared, but because you both remembered: you are on the same side. You are not enemies - you are brother and sister, friends, classmates. A kind word - like a bucket of water on a fire.
7. If you've already had a fight, it's not shameful to be the first to apologize.
Sometimes a quarrel does happen. And then someone has to take the first step. This is the hardest thing — but also the most important. «I’m sorry, I said too much» are three words that put everything back in its place. The one who apologizes first doesn’t lose. He’s just a little wiser at that moment.
Romko looked at the remote control. Then he looked at Nina.
“Listen,” he said, more quietly than usual. “How much is your cartoon?”
"Twenty minutes," she replied cautiously.
"Let's have yours first. And then mine. Okay?"
Nina blinked. She hadn't expected this.
“Okay,” she said. And smiled a little.
Romko smiled too — barely, but still.
Straw happily threw the acorn up, caught it, and spun on the back of the sofa.
“That’s what I understand—peace negotiations!” she declared solemnly.
Owl Sophie sighed softly with satisfaction. She spread her wings. And disappeared as quietly as she had appeared - only the pink scarf fluttered between the pillows for a moment.
Sofiyka believes in you. And Solomiyka too. 🦉🐿️