How to manage anger
This was the third tower today. Daria carefully stacked the cubes, almost breathless—blue on red, yellow on blue, green on top. The tower wobbled, but held. One more cube and it would have touched the ceiling.
She fell.
Not from the wind. Not from the cat. It just fell. The cubes scattered across the floor with a loud clatter, and the room was immediately empty where the tower had been.
Daria grabbed one cube and threw it at the wall. Then she sat on the floor and cried—not quietly, but really, loudly, with anger and despair mixed together.
Something moved on the toy shelf. A little owl with glasses and a squirrel with an acorn looked at it calmly - not scared, not irritated. They just looked.
"I know," said Sofiyka. "It's very offensive.".
"I've been folding for so long!" Darina exclaimed through tears. "And it fell again!"
"I know," repeated Sofiyka. "Your anger is completely understandable. Can we talk about it?"
🦉 Lesson from Sofiyka
1. Anger is a signal, not a sentence
When something falls, breaks, or doesn't work, your body immediately feels it. Your heart beats faster, your hands tense, something hot rises to your chest. This is anger. It comes because you care about what's happening. It's normal. Anger doesn't mean you're a bad girl. It just says, "I'm hurting right now.".
2. First, stop.
When you're angry, you want to throw something, scream, stomp your feet. But if you let it do everything at once, it can be even worse. So the first step is to stop for a second. Just stand. Or sit down. Don't run anywhere.
"One second is not enough!" Solomiyka exclaimed and jumped up on the spot. "Even I can do it! Well, almost always..."
3. Exhale anger through your mouth.
Here's a little trick: take a deep breath through your nose—slowly, to the count of four. And then—exhale through your mouth, as if you were blowing out a candle on a cake. Again. And again. After three such exhalations, your body will cool down a bit. The anger won't disappear completely, but it will become smaller—one that you can already talk to.
4. Give anger space — but a safe one
Sometimes the anger is so great that it just wants to come out. That's good! You can go to the pillow and crumple it up nicely. You can stamp your feet on the rug. You can draw your anger on paper - crookedly, brightly, as you like. The main thing is not to throw things at the walls or push others. It's not their fault that the tower fell.
"I once gnawed an acorn out of anger," Solomiyka confessed in a whisper. "It helped!" Only the acorn grimaced afterwards.
5. Say out loud what happened.
After you've breathed a little, try saying in words — to yourself or to someone close to you: "I'm angry because the tower fell. I'm sorry because I tried so hard." When anger becomes words, it's not so great anymore. Words seem to take it out of you, and it feels easier there.
6. Rest before trying again.
If something doesn't work out, don't immediately try again. Get up, drink some water, look out the window for a minute. Your body and mind need a break. And then, if you want, you can try again. With fresh eyes.
"I always thought that a break was for the lazy," said Solomiyka, stamping her feet. "But it turns out that a break is for the smart ones!" Who would have thought.
7. You have the right to be angry.
Remember the most important thing: it's okay to get angry. It's not bad or shameful. Everyone gets angry - adults, children, even owls sometimes, right, Sofiyko? The owl raised one wing and cleared its throat slightly. "It happens," she said with dignity.
Daria took three long breaths. Then she said: "I'm still sad.".
"It's normal," Sofiyka replied. "Sadness and anger can go together. You don't have to feel good right away.".
Daria stood up. She picked up the cubes — slowly, one by one. Maybe next time she should ask her mother to hold the base? Towers stand stronger together.
“Together, the towers don’t fall!” Solomiyka shouted from the shelf.
Daria smiled and continued collecting cubes - calmly, without rushing.
Sofiyka believes in you. And Solomiyka too. 🦉🐿️